Letter to the editor: What's going on?

By Peter G. Jimenea, Hole of Justice

Dear Ed,


Allow me to use the term of media people on how they called the characters in my letter to you. First of all, I thought that anomalies in the Kingdom by the River would end with the exit of King Bungs and the entry of  King Tura. I was wrong.

The Trio Los Bobos according to the media, that once swayed King Bungs, namely Kuyabog, Tibakla and Sirum-Sirum, are still much around although this time, the new version is composed of different faces, namely:  Boy Bakling, Hydrocephalus and Dok Kagaw.

I was at the kingdom canteen last Friday to meet a client but she failed to come. It gave me the chance to listen to the huddle of few provincial personalities and local journalists. I became curious listening to habitués talking about Boy Bakling, Dok Kagaw and their contractors. They say that to protect his image and intimidate potential critics, Dok Kagaw backed Hydrocephalus who lost no time throwing his weight around by evicting a certain Malou, the PIO.

As they continue, I learned that this Hydrocephalus had a different name before. His fellow media people know this character, particularly his dark past when he was kicked out of a national broadsheet (kuno) after local reporters complained of his habit of being too lazy to gather news in the field on one hand but on the other, too industrious in copying others’ works to include photographs. He was too lazy even in rewriting or paraphrasing them. That’s why it did not take long for his superiors to discover his act of dishonesty. 

Mr. Editor, as the huddle continues, this alleged dishonest man is being bruited around by Dok Kagaw as the new information officer to defend, protect and promote the good name of the Kingdom by the River and King Tura. He so trusts the plagiarist (another kuno) that he gave him the green light to throw that certain Malou the real PIO out into the cold.

As I sipped my coffee, an official close to King Tura shook his head. “Ano man dya anda, man? Abi ko may pag-bag-o?” (“What’s going on? I expected renewal in governance.”). Disappointment is clearly etched on his face. I learned from him that there is also hanky-panky under the new dispensation.

That behind the back of King Tura, Dok Kagaw and his gang purchased an ID maker. To keep the purchase amount within the P50,000 limit or less, they split the order. So far, Dok Kagaw and Tibakla bought only the ID maker proper. The machine could not function and sits idly at the office of Tibakla while waiting for the opportunity to buy two other major parts consisting of a camera and printer, which will also be purchased separately. 

As an enterprising woman, I know it’s like buying a keyboard first, to be followed a few months later by the automatic voltage regulator (AVR), the desktop and the monitor, also separately. The reason for the trick of splitting purchases is to hide it from King Tura. If the purchase price is below P50,000, the signature of Dok Kagaw suffices. Above that, it should be the king who will sign the purchase order.

King Tura should ask Tibakla and Dok Kagaw to explain why until now, the denizens of the kingdom don’t have new ID cards yet. This Tibakla is the same Tibakla in the reign of King Bungs (kuno) who also kissed asses especially that of her co-equal Sirum-Sirum whose office kept the wardrobe of Tibakla including her underwear.

I could not believe my ears at how gossips of this kind spread like wild fire. If there is smoke, for sure there is fire. The gossipy media reporters jokingly claimed that King Tura’s palace is also a motel, especially the two offices of Hydrocephalus who openly brings his paramour, a fair and tall but married woman, there where they stayed late in the night.

The girl keeps the key of the office, which is the reason why Hydrocephalus would borrow the one kept by the guard every time he would like to open his office. Media people at the lounge of the information office jokingly call that fair and tall lady “assistant office chief”, the reason why Malou, the chief of office, is now only the third in command. 

Hydrocephalus and his “assistant chief” are carrying out their duty successfully of protecting the good name of the Kingdom by the River and that of the king. But the silence of the king on this ongoing anomaly is suspicious. Mr. Editor, please bring this question to the king: what's going on, King Tura?

Very truly yours,

Matilda Dipatuhil