The Grand Plan at the Kingdom by the River II

By Peter G. Jimenea, Hole of Justice

Last December, I told King Tura of the Kingdom by the River that with him as head, I would no longer comment on kingdom affairs unlike before when his predecessor, King Bungs, was still lord.

King Tura is very much strong and healthy; I wonder why the ringleaders of Oplan Pagbag-o are too much in a hurry. I earlier wrote that the brouhaha at the Kingdom by the River is hatched at the office of Bigboy at the sixth floor. He could be joking or not using his coconut. He has no finesse at all unlike his Bigman who raised him up in this vale of tears. Bigboy is just too crude with his plans.

Bigboy did not bother to consult elder Bigman who is known for his savvy in crafting plans and political strategies. Bigboy gambled his reputation by leaving the job on the Jijimons.

It was Jijimon Mutya who brought Hydrocephallus to his doorsteps during the elections. Hydrocephallus worked for Long Legs who ran for the Kingdom by the Terminal Market.

Bigboy later introduced Hydrocephallus to King Tura who, in an act of accommodation to Bigboy, admitted Hydrocephallus to head the Kawkaw office of the kingdom.

Hydrocephallus would later scheme with Dok Kagaw and Boy Bakling (another hyrdrocephallic character) in merging three divisions, the information, the radio room and the Kawkaw, to form a super-office headed by Hydrocephallus who, having no master’s degree, is unqualified to head.

It was King Tura who named Dok Kagaw chief butler but the latter has been persuaded by Mutya and Hydrocephallus to join the cause of paving the ground for Bigboy.

Oplan Pagbag-o is premised on the scenario that King Tura is fading out due to poor health and is unlikely to finish his term. Bigboy is taking over definitely, according to Mutya and Hydrocephallus. They assured Dok Kagaw that he would be retained as chief butler in the forthcoming reign of Bigboy.

Their group is expanding. They now have Mamasang whose office once incurred P3,000 in monthly telephone bill due to her minor daughter who was addicted to phone sex.

They also have Tibakla who once belonged to the Trio Los Bobos along with Kuyabog and Sirum-Sirum in the reign of King Bungs. Tibakla and Mamasang are experts in using their physical assets, including private parts, for the purpose of adding more stars to their ranks.

Ellen of Troy who took a series of civil service examinations and never reached 50,  has also joined their cause.

Oplan Pagbag-o, namely: Hydrocephallus, Boy Bakling, Dok Kagaw, Tibakla, Ellen of Troy and Mamasang conspired to rob employees of their clothing allowance of P4,000 per subject by contracting a supplier in the Kingdom of Rajah Solaiman. However, King  Tura blocked their foul move by requiring a public bidding with preference to local labor and materials.

The pagbag-o that they scheme is not for the better. Hardly had he warmed his butt on his seat, Hydrocephallus already spun a scandal with his muni-muni who publicly moved around like the real one. Muni-muni acts like the assistant chief of office: she holds the key to the office and is the one opening and closing it.

Hydrocephallus and Muni-muni are busy at the office up to the night and during weekends, according to the guards. He is much married, so is Muni-muni, but each of them with different spouses.

Hydrocephallus was earlier scheduled to attend a seminar in Canada for LGUs of Lupang Hinirang. He did not make it. The immigration denied him exit because a local magistrate issued a hold-departure order on him.

Hydrocephallus faces defamation suit filed by Dok Joanna because he created a webpage “dedicated” to Dok Joanna, in the sense that, the site overflowed with below-the-belt and fabricated tales against the physician who headed a hospital. He did that to get back at his victim who refused to promote his other muni-muni into the institution. Muni-muni II is also much married like Hydrocephallus is and is Hydrocephallus’ co-accused.

Hydrocephallus has dropped himself into a big, big trouble.

Dok Joanna has turned the tables on him because she has on her side Kalipay DL, her principal witness.  Kalipay is Hydrocephallus’ former business partner who has now nothing but only curses for him because he tried to undermine her and robbed her blind of the proceeds of their partnership. Kalipay knows how and why Hydrocephallus created the website. (to be continued)