The Grand Plan at the Kingdom by the River (first of a series)

BY PETER G. JIMENEA, Hole of Justice

Peter G. Jimenea

The canteen at the ground floor of the Kingdom by the River gives you not only tasty foods and drinks. It can even shake your head with the juiciest bits of information on political trends and personal lives.

These days, what is readily seen is the flock of Jijimon reporters formerly tagged by my friend Pitso as “Media Taliban” orbiting around Hyrocephallus, his hyrdrocephallic twin Boy Bakling, and Dok Kagaw, prime movers of Oplan Pagbag-o at the kingdom.

The first project of Oplan Pagbag-o is to unseat the functioning information officer, Malou, and replaced her with a dysfunctional, pathetic and megalomanic Hyrdrocephallus whose first achievement in that field is to dispense with transparency. He disabled the web page of the Kingdom.

The webpage http://www.iloilo.gov.ph/ which was launched on November 23, 2006 by then King Bungs  to inform people on the goings on at the kingdom by the river, contained data on the geography, economy, scenic and historic sites, people,  and the programs of the kingdom. It also contained the blog page of my friend Kuyabog.

You can no longer navigate in it. The webpage is a dud. And people at the planning office are mad: Hydrocephallus severed the e-link that connected the government and people of the kingdom with the rest of the world. He got the ire of the planning people for reneging on his promise to reactivate it with a more powerful browser.

The small town of San Miguel has a functioning web page; so is Cabatuan in central Iloilo; so is Estancia in far north, and San Joaquin in far south. The Kingdom by the River boasting of a P2-billion budget, having no functioning webpage? Pwe!

Grand Plan. 

The invasion of the Taliban, este, Jijimons in the Kingdom of the River, is part of the Grand Plan. Mutya, the ringleader noticeable for her pair of mammaries that occupy two-thirds of her 4’ – 8” frame, boasts about it. The Grand Plan is based on the scenario that King Tura is sickly and his health is deteriorating so fast that could knock him out of service within his term.

With that, Bigboy must come in and to smoothen the transition, this early, the following steps must be done immediately: first, seize the strategic office that disseminates information and stack it with Jijimon writers. The seizure is already done: Hydrocephallus and Dok Kagaw already merged (illegally) three divisions into a single office that will become fullfledged. The Jijimons are now in control.

Hydrocephallus who has no master’s degree and is therefore, disqualified to head a single division, heads that super office now.

The second move is to weaken the enemy. The enemy could be anybody. It could be the stragglers of  King Bungs, which is partially accomplished with one Kalbo who once served as King Bungs’ news writers, now being made to sweep the ground every dawn. Hydrocephallus himself boasted he would also make Pitso (also he perceives as King Bungs’ boy) to sweep the parking lot area.

The enemy could also be King Tura himself. They should also weaken his political hold at the Kingdom by running after his loyal men and women. That’s their plan “b”, which is to eliminate or neutralize King Tura’s followers in order to deprive him of his support base in case he finishes his term and intends to run again in 2013. They already did that by stripping Ma’am Malou of her power and functions.

Plan “C” is collect the spoils of war. Muya thought she already had it by pressuring King Tura to shoulder her Jijimon News at P60,000 monthly. The King junked the idea and Mutya is very, very mad.

Hydrocephallus has partly succeeded, however. He arbitrarily handed the publicity contract to a newspaper to the chagrin of the “suki” El Gwardyado Daily which supported King Tura in the campaign. The handing of the purchase order (PO) to the agent was witnessed by all at the information section one fine afternoon. 

Hydrocephallus is not even a member of the bids and awards committee (BAC) but he empowered himself to award publicity contracts without a public bidding.

With their victory over Malou and the control of the P9.9 million budget of the merged offices, Hydrocephallus and Dok Kagaw will further pave the way for the entry of Bigboy by laying their hands on two more programs, namely, the school board with a budget of P100 million and the disaster management which has a funding of P60 million. When that happens, more offices will be up for grabs under Oplan Pagbag-o. (to be continued)